BMI

On a few selected days I have been calculating my BMI. All charts and calculators have told me that I am considered to be healthy and have an appropriate BMI for my height and weight. I wanted to investigate further and to see how far I would have to go to be considered as un-healthy. I was glad to discover that I can still lose another ten to twelve kilos and still be considered healthy, although I would be close to pushing the boundaries, I love it.

I have heard that some people were a little worried about my 2007 weight loss, which wasn't even an extreme change. Ten kilo sounds a lot, but it doesn't look it. If I was being totally serious about it and stayed consistent through out the year with my diet and exercise you would probably see me in hospital battling with a disorder. Seriously, losing two kilos a week is not un-ordinary.

Mum use to body build and almost killed herself down to 55 kilo when she was in her thirties. I know when to stop and I have family around me who make sure I am eating and balancing that act with exercise.

You think those "friends" who were truly worried and cared would say something to me about it. However, if there were any of you who were freaking out that I wasn't going to be the fat girl anymore, read now, that I am healthy and that when I take on 2008 and choose to drop even more weight I will still remain healthy.

Sometimes I do wish I didn't care about my weight, but I think I always will unless I wish I was naturally slim or look the way I want. I like making goals to focus on and challenges to shock people.

Too much love, not enough cocaine

Island Bay

To be honest, I cannot exactly remember what has happened lately. Everything really just became and nothing never existed.

I remember Christmas, mainly because my wake up call was at 3am so that I could take mum and her friend to the airport, plus I reeled in some amazing Christmas presents and more are to return from Melbourne with mum. The 25th was quiet, it was different for 2007.

My tasteless, yet passionate relationship for cocaine has just expanded and a blanket covered my head the other night, when it was all I could think and care about. How can a drug be that effective on me when I am yet to still do it. I woke up that morning with a fuzzy nose and feeling sick as though I took a line down that night.

There have been new people weaving in to my life and I have quietly shown others the door. At times I don't know if I can handle so much attention, when I haven't even done anything. It feels like I am just getting acknowledged for existing which is totally strange.

I'll admit, I am proud of myself for being able to maintain a smile for so long. I love life, living and all the bullshit and peace that comes with it.

'Cause when the smack begins to flow

Then I really don't care anymore

Ah, when the heroin is in my blood

And that blood is in my head

Then thank God that I'm as good as dead

Then thank your God that I'm not aware
And thank God that I just don't care

And I guess I just don't know

And I guess I just don't know

See this night through

Island Bay

The last couple of days have been a delight. On Friday morning I was up early to look after the three best kids ever. The twins just had their tenth birthdays and they youngest, Markus just turned six. One of their presents was a half pipe in their backyard! It is pretty cool and we spent the majority of our time skateboarding about. I am -to no surprise- still as useless as ever.

One outfit down, fourty dollars richer and I am home again only to change my top and sneakers for heels. George and Cam are two friends I made during my intermediate years and we only really see each other once or twice a year now, but they saw me waiting at the bus stop and offered a ride in to town.

In outfit number two I am riding in a car with boys and discussing smoking pipes, school, bands and whatever else comes from the mix. We park on Courtnay Place and I want to vomit at the smell of eleven year old skank. Soon the three of us split as I am meant to pick up dry cleaning and the boys have Christmas shopping to do - I don't know who I would rather be, both events are pretty daunting.

After a short while from bumping in to friends from my past, I am later dragged off one side of the street and to Starbucks on Lambton Quay. I want to vomit at the smell of caffeine bad for the environment. My friend Martinique tells me that she's hanging out with an old friend Bella and I heard Bella just got head girl at my first college, so I figure way not congratulate her, plus I still quite like her. We sit and chat for a while, doing whatever it is girls do and blah blah blah. Eventually as we walk off, we drift away from each other and I am on my way elsewhere.

I am almost at Olwyn's work, finally my purpose in to town which was to give Olwyn her Christmas present. I arrive just as a million people want their drinks. Four banana milkshakes, two chocolate, two strawberry, two coke spiders and some coffees. The whole time Olwyn is making whatever I am talking about everything, well not everything, mainly Auckland and Mighty Boosh. Crouton, crouton.

Olwyn's boss pops up and he gives me the creeps so I get ready to run away but he beats me to it. Therefore I win and leave after I get my milkshake, coffee and carmel... what?! Next thing you know and I am on a bus back to Island Bay, texting (another) Cam while the three girls and their one of their mums talk the way they dress, absolute rubbish. I want to vomit at the fact one girl thinks matching a cheaply made, metal, paua shell necklace with some disgusting bronze looking earring, obviously from one of those shit jewellery stores like Equip or Bling.

I arrive home, ditch outfit number two, for number three. High waisted black shorts with my Nom*D tee tucked in, little white shoes and small bag. I have five minutes to meet Cam at the park so I am out the door in a rush. I don't know why I rushed though, Cam is never on time, ever. He sucks at time, so much so, that he probably has a text on his phone saying "you suck at time".

Finally he shows up and we're on the swings and within seconds out inner child comes out. It gets boring and our attention span is caught short, so it is a walk around the beach. Cam and I spend the afternoon climbing rocks and discovering rock pools. One looked like someone threw up in it and another looked like an old man shaved his pubes in one - disgusting.

Cam and I sat out on the rock furthest away from land and the waves were crashing close, almost soaking our feet, but we managed to get away before the seventh wave hit. While we hung out we discussed a whole lot of nothing about something and found a dried up blow fish (or as Cam would say: The pineapple of the sea) For a good five or so minutes we're finding the biggest rocks in the area and trying to smash up this blow fish. They're so fucking tough it took forever.

I just had a really good time.

Today Dario and I finished our Christmas shopping, watched cricket at The Basin, drove around town and the bays and did a big clean up before dad got home.

Later this evening a charity came knocking at the door and we donated ten dollars. There was a four piece brass band playing outside our gate and we requested Silent Night (I don't know why) the band played it and it was really neat. So fucking American stereotypical though, I couldn't help but to fall on my knees and laugh.

Only in Island Bay.

I am feeling so amazingly relaxed, I spent this afternoon on the deck reading a book in the sun with a beer. My body feels cleansed and I can't get over this light feeling.

This blog is one of those horrible ones, when the person goes on about their day and what has currently happened in their life, which seems like nothing. No one actually cares about these blogs, there is no gossip, there is no real thrill, it's just a memory and one big fucking cliche!

Black

Photographs edited by Rebecca Hunter

Today I went on a bus ride in to town to stop off at Zambesi and lay by a Nom*D skirt. Town was so wet and I loved every drip of rain, although I cut my day short and came home to
snuggle up in my hoodie.

I like what I eat, or lack of.

The temptation is great

I like incredible brains that provide you with interesting conversation topics, questions to discus, ponder or debate over and have ideas that make me think that they're a genius.

If you can walk down the street with me and make us look like a fit couple who compliment each other, then you obviously deserve some special attention.

If you can make me hate you as much as I like you, then I will want you even more. A fuck wit who secretly is mad for me will turn me on, but make sure that I know that you like me.

I hope you're somewhat fucking crazy, but level enough to know when to come back down to earth.

Comfortable silences and communicating with me telepathically over coffee and cigarettes would make everything so much more intense.

I cannot resist it.

Discovered Film

At the beginning of this year I took a film on my SLR camera. I thought I lost the film that I took but months later I found a film which hadn't been developed. I didn't have time to process the film at school because of my photography assignments, plus it was a colour film and I was only doing black and white photography at school. Eventually I got the film developed and discovered that I had quite a cool stack of photos.

The display of photos I have above are from that stack off the re-discovered film. The photographs of the two blond females were taken during a lunch time at Hell's Pizza and the photograph of the male was taken at Fidel's during morning coffee.

Coffee & Cigarettes

Mulholland Dr. (take one): Intellectual conversations about star signs and astrology with Jason at Midnight Esspressoholic at midday ended after one soy latte. Jason and I headed to his room at the Black Note flat and watched Mulholland Dr. The DVD went mental halfway through so we never finished the film, however I was enjoying it, especially Naomi Watts cliche acting. I look forward to beginning the film again at some point.

"So what does make you tick? Hm? Tell me."
"Things that really blow me away and make me feel so fucking amazing. Like songs, artwork, places and people. That rare burst of incredible. I run on that fuel."
"Existenstenial romantic are we? That's cool. Real awesome, but quite familiar too."
"Why familiar?"
"Do you let people know your emotions or do you feel you have a pin cushion heart and don't let anyone get close to you?"
"I flick between the two. I have to be able to trust someone before I open up to them."
"Hm. How easy is it for someone to earn your trust?"
"It all depends on the person, how I feel around them and what vibe I get. I will go with my instinct."
"I need to know you better. See your dark side and shit. What pisses you off?"
"I could talk forever with you about it all. I trust you so I'm willing to tell you everything you want to know someday."

Jason and I ended up talking until subjects became touchy, awkward or depressing. I think I learnt a lot from our conversation. I love indulging in to the company of a greatly smart person, but I also love indulging in to the company of a complete fuck wit.

An un-stable walk down Cuba Street with Jason and two coffees later I find myself up in Te Aro, laying next to some strange person yelling at the cricket on TV on a couch, in a lounge of a house up on a hill. Cricket has got to be the only sport I cannot understand, but can happily zone out too.

For a while the latest Vice and Fluro magazines kept me fine company, but there is only so much you can read before you hit the back cover. If you do happen to get a copy of Fluro go and acknowledge Harry modeling in the photo shoot: Beauty Is Order And Love Is Light.

Seven o'clock ticks on by and the gig I am meant to attend started half an hour ago. Eventually the strange yelling person and I leave the Te Aro house and then I leave them on the street to run off on my own adventures.

The gig was at OS9 and I was attending so that I could watch The Actualities. The band played another great set and for an AA gig they had a fantastic audience with a crew dancing and singing along to their songs. I was surprised to see a handful or 18+ characters at the gig partying up with the young'uns before Architecture In Helsinki at San Fransisco Bath House.

Many bands played at the OS9 gig and my friend/drummer Ben who set up the gig designed it so that there were two stages. He did a really good job and some great bands played and a good crowd came out to the show. It was great to see him freaking out at some points, especially because the night planned out well.

In the crowd I met a some one called Deakin who surprising turned seventeen two weeks ago. It was cool to actually meet a new person who was my age, seemed older and was good company. Deakin plays in the band the Lunchbox Boys, I have never heard them before, but he made sure that I was staying to here his band. Lunchbox Boys played last and played well, I liked their music it was so different from what everyone else our age seems to do.

After three coffees, cigarettes, some dark chocolate and a Foxton Fizz I was ready to throw up from the loud music and faint from the hot lights. When I went to sleep that night I hit the pillow hard and passed through my starvation.

Today tried to kill me. Last nights nightmare was about me getting raped and having to hide from the world otherwise I would be killed. I woke up at six thirty to birds singing their fucking heads off and my head and ears were pounding so bad I thought everything was bleeding. My stomach hated me for abusing it so I had a glass of water to calm it down before being able to sleep again, only to be woken up four hours later to do Christmas shopping with my brother and his friend.

I fed myself a chicken and salad roll and later had a strawberry milkshake which had too much milk and not enough shake. Christmas shopping for my brother sucks, I wish he was skinny and had totally sweet style.

My body is knackered, my eyes are heavy and I feel sick from that milkshake. My ears feel better as they've been getting medical attention from The Actualities new album, Workers Leaving The Factory.

I am off to fight the temptation to live by passing out on the couch.

Tang-ent/ible

Mario
Tee Of The Castle
Jacket Material Boy
Pants Thousand Reasons

Zoe
Tee Stolen Girlfriends Club
Leggings Thousand Reasons
Vest Something Else
Necklace Neon Sleep

Felicity
Tee Something Else
Hoodie Thousand Reasons
Sunglasses Keep
Necklace Love Lies Bleeding

The Flannel is Wellington High School's magazine which is composed by both sixth ad seventh form journalism students. There are two issues of the Flannel which are published each year, the September issue is seventh form dominated and the November issue belongs to the sixth form. In either June or July my journalism teacher informed the sixth form class that we were expected to submit a column for our November issue. This column could be anything from an interview with a teacher or student, vox pops, reviews on absolutely anything, a quiz, photo shoot or anything else under the sun that you could think of which would be neat to have in the magazine. I chose to do a photo shoot and got on to it straight away.

The photo shoot consisted of three models, Mario, Zoe and Felicity who each displayed an outfit from the successful Wellington store, Good As Gold. A friend of mine, Martinique did the hair and make up and assisted me in the shoot. I took the photographs around Island Bay and had no real idea of what I wanted. Initially I was pleased with the photographs I took, but eventually grew tired of them and saw no real thrill. I was stuck on ideas and pissed off with what I had done, but Harry managed to make everything okay.

All of the photos I took were very simple and had no great angles or poses. To liven up the shoot Harry suggested that I edit the photos by cropping them all randomly as if I were going off on a little tangent. He also suggested that I should call the photo shoot: Tang-ent/ible

Harry's ideas were genius so I owe a lot of thanks to him for saving my photo shoot. The name was great because it helped to show the layout going off on a tangent and the clothes the models were wearing could be considered tangible. I am still a little unsure of what that really means, but it worked.

Tang-ent/ible was published in the November issue of the Flannel.

Thank you Good As Gold, Mario Kennach, Zoe Lahood, Felicity Milovanovich, Martinique Barbalic and Harry Gyde.

Mod

Nicolette
Dress Karen Walker
Shoes Tony Bianco

Glasses Ray Ban

Hair Glory

Photograph edited by Rebecca Hunter

The 10th of December was the Wellington High School senior ball and the theme was masquerade. Olwyn and I went to the ball together and had a really good time. Initially I thought the night was going to be a downer but this year's ball committee proved me wrong and I am glad they did.

The venue was The Loaded Hog and it looked like an ultra big studio apartment on the waterfront, so it was a nice building inside and looked really pretty if you were out on the balcony looking at the harbour and lights. This year our school hired a photographer which was a brilliant idea. Everyone would run up and jump in front of the camera when it was their turn and pose for a few shots before running away to dance again. The DJ played delicious music for everyone to dance to and everyone did dance. When Mr DJ played a mini Shapeshifter set the majority of the ball was dancing in a sweat and the photographer came out and took some party photos.

The 10th bought us such humid weather along with a soft breeze and it was great to be able to dance inside until we suffocated and then sit out on the balcony and cool off. There were also two pool tables for those who were feeling more like a relaxing time and the bar was open, but closed at the same time in the sense that we couldn't buy alcohol. However both bar tenders I knew, so I was able to get out of not paying six dollars for a red bull.

It was night of dancing, admiring, talking about the most ridiculous things with whoever and talking to people I never spoke to this year but always wanted to. All the good people showed their faces and that's why I also think the ball was such a success, because of the people.

As for dresses, Olwyn and I rocked it and for more photos visit my MySpace they won't be up for long!

Warm, warmer, disco

Pulp Fiction (take two): I still feel like I should watch it numerous times over the period of existence they call my life. Although I feel like being a sneak and adopting the catch phrase warm, warmer, disco.

Fighting The Shakes played a small show at Real Groovy early Friday night. The last time I watched the band was at the most amazing house party/gig in Te Aro at the start of this year so it was good to be able to watch the band perform again, even in a CD store where the atmosphere to party is extremely limited. Nine more months of being a minor before I can finally enter the gateway of not having enjoyment restrictions.

The CD Store on Cuba Street had The Actualities playing a set on Saturday afternoon. You would think that because the CD Store is not as elite as Real Groovy the atmosphere to party would be even more so limited, however we were entertained for ten minutes by a drunk-ess wearing the most unflattering top dancing away to the bands incredible sound. After those ten amusing minutes, the drunk-ess became annoying and a disturbance, claiming that her father owned the Tui brewery. She was asked to leave, but only moments later water was being thrown and a punch to the head was let out of its cage. The Actualities managed to continue playing their set and still held the crowd like a metal to a magnet. I bought the bands CD and spent this morning re-exploring their sound.

Wellington musicians and bands have been satisfying my ears for almost four years and new talent from all over the country is giving New Zealand music a much healthier name.

Rialto

Heavenly Creatures (take two): At eight thirty I decided to re-trigger my mind with the beauty in the film Heavenly Creatures. There are multiple scenes when Juliet and Pauline bathe together and each shot is just so incredibly paralyzing. The use of colour tones in the individual scenes are so placid but scream mental fuck up.

The First Date

Ben Drums and vocals
Julia Keys and vocals
Nico Guitar and vocals

Sweet sweet casual
Turn around touch the ground
Bags not me

The Runaway

All the girls are running free
They opened their eyes, their legs and lies
All the girls wear lace and strings
Sex and lust to please and tease
All the girls, all the girls, all the girls
Are running free to spoon in beds
To fufill their needs
Their needs