Too much effort

I am frequently having those days when I just cannot be bothered. Sometimes I wish as though I had dropped out of school at sixteen, worked some lame ass job until I had just enough money to flat or travel where ever around the world, whenever. I just want to be a drifter.

I've completed high school and now I am working the same part time job for over seven months, that is still paying me the same low dollar, which I cant even save on and I am sitting at home studying just so I can pass two pathetic exams which will lead me in to university for next year. My life is feeling so damn planned right now - I mean fuck, I'm checking my e-mail everyday to see whether I've been accepted in to Massey.

So what if I pass my exams, finish university and begin a life of what I always intended, where is my spontaneity? I look up to people who just do nothing, but make a life out of something, living like however by doing whatever - how free spirited! I just wish I had the balls to have done something like that.

It's not too late to start though, I'm not old or anything, I just think I'm being a bit gutless living at home. If I were just an independant lone ranger I could be so much more interesting and lead a more experienced life.

School is out

It was the hottest day today, like so deathly hot I couldnt handle it and am still over heating in nothing at the moment.

So it was my last day of school today and my gosh the day would not end! At leavers assembly people were singing, rapping and yapping away while tears leaked and balloons popped. It was mildly painful to sit there for two hours. I guess one thing I regret at my two years at WHS is that I didnt make many friends - I dont think I was hated, although I am sure some people there do strongly dislike me, it is just I didnt make the kind of friends who you spend your lunch times and weekends with and sometimes that can be awkward and embarrassing when it comes to those situations of needing at least one person to stick to.

I am currently in an odd state of mind and it isnt just finishing school. Getting broken text messages at of the blue really screw with my head because I am such an analyzer - I almost always end up convincing myself it is the worst case scenerio and get in a really shitty mood.

I just need to be in an atmosphere where everything doesnt feel so complicated and communication isnt a barrier.

Not another Saturday night

Saturday keeps replying in my head. Zoe popped in to work with my paid off Holga and then after work Edward, Dan, Josh, Olwyn and I went to vote - that thrill lasted two minutes... two ticks! I caught on to the lamest and somewhat most surreal feeling - realising that I have human rights.

That night I went to Mighty Mighty with the usual crowd of Megan, Khounthear, Olwyn, Ben, Joellene and plus and minus a few faces. The Tutts were playing and I was in my boozed up wonderland. Eventually I lost the majority of people I knew that night but ended up being introduced to a bunch of new [who-seem-sweet] people thanks to Angus. There was a lot of dancing... swing dancing? I assume that is how I ripped my brand new Alice McCall skirt... and there were camera flashes everywhere, as I experimented with my first Holga film.

Conversations from that night still make me blush and episodes from that night I still dont recall. The last thing I remember was sitting around in my tights and Josh's shirt, eating the best home made chips that Timmy made before crashing out in mid-morning hours at the Torrens flat.

It seems like just another Saturday night but I am still smiling and running on a really good buzz, so I must have had a really special time!

As for school I have completed all full days at school. This week is all messed up half days with Wednesday being our final day and farewell. I handed in my photography and design portfolios on Thursday evening at six thirty and now all I have to do is sit an exam on the 19th and one of the 20th, before heading to Auckland for the weekend - which I'll admint, will probably be the biggest waste of time and money! But whatever...

Advice

To all those who still have years of high school ahead of them, my advice to you is not to take more than one art subject unless you are seriously dedicated.

Tomorrow I have two portfolios due, photography and design. For the past couple of weeks I have been sleep deprived, gone from having no appetite to binge eating on anything, lost sight of my social life, taken extra days off work (no money!) and I cannot find where I put my mind.

It turely is the 11th hour and I still have five photography college compositions to string up aswell as four to eight double page spreads for design. I have been one of the many students who have made sacrafices to get their work done and I am still not finished.

I am absolutely amazed at how some students at my school are managing three porfolios. This is the most stressful time of year and my heart has never raced so much as well as skipped so many beats. I cannot strain how much of a bad idea it is taking more the one art subject, you truely have to stay focused, up to speed, check in with teachers regularly, have the most outstanding attendance and dedication if you want to pass without going fucking crazy.

I am going fucking crazy...

On the bright side, once they are done, they're done. This Friday is a teacher only day so I can chill out and have a long weekend before hitting the books to study for my two exams, which are in two weeks. After November 20th I have completed high school and (fingers crossed) passed level 3 (or atleast got UE).

Three line paragraphs are pointless, as is this blog

Oh dear, try having a fantastic photography teacher who you dont want to hate, but who happens changes the whole direction of your portfolio with five days until the deadline.

I now have three days until my portfolios are due. My photography one is now seriously lacking as I have had to start from scratch. This is so painful for me and all my previous work just doesnt feel appreciated.

As for design I am going quite well with only half a board to go until I have completed all three, but then of course there is the whole sticking down process which is an utter time muncher.

I may end up turning down photography scholarship... Oh well, atleast they saw I had potentional, I just wish I chose an easier topic and planned ahead.

Two things that I am looking forward to in the future

Where does Karen Walker get her ideas? Well do your research and you will discover that German jewellery designer Thomas Sabo has played some subliminal part. Finally Wellington is going to be presented with original, outrageous, sterling silver pieces and I am disgustingly excited. For someone who doesnt wear a lot of jewellery, I am already picking and choosing dangerously darling pieces out of the collection, "Rebel At Heart". Wellington people in-the-know will only be able to purchase Thomas Sabo at Hanne Anderson. The collection will be in stores within the next few months, so keep an eye out and I can pin point a date when I get the get go!

James Franco shares tongues with Gus Van Sant and Raf Simmons spits lips with Kanye West. No, this isnt some absurb meet and greet at destination dream land, it is reality! The latest issue of Interview magazine "The Courage Issue" slid down a rainbow and in to stores today and my disorted, romantically, sick fantasies have all come true. Interview magazine is published in New York and twindles its way down to New Zealand for only $9.90 - suppose like every magazine it has it's advertising (more advertising, less substance, less dollars = you're a dumbass) but, Interview has got the most healthy balance with a steady price tag that I have came across during my working days at Magnetix. Future issues of this magazine are promising!

Self centered bitch

Talking about yourself and typing out weekend events and memories can be embarrassing. People do seems to get the idea that you are an attention seeking slave, but really, how else am I to remember all the good things that occur during my youth.

If you do read my blog regularly, stumble across it by pure chance or even just decide to jump in to my pretentious world and skim read previous entries, you will probably discover a whole new or multiple different sides to me, you wouldnt be presneted with when you get me in person. You may even find out aspects of me that I dont even know exsist and I hope that my few paragraphs make you judge and form an opinion on me, I dont know why I hope that, but I just do.

Blogging gives me a chance to think. Write to Think, Scribo ut cogitem.

Well, I cant exactly review anything with a critical view because I havent actually attended any events with that state of mind, although I will add that if you are reviewing something, anything, give your fucking opinion, be critical. Infact my journalism review piece is on people who claim to review events or whatever but actually just inform or state the fucking obvious. I could end up contradicting myself, but I will be very clever.

Events I have attended recently for the sake of having a good time have include The DHDFD's at Mighty Mighty, This City Sunrise's last New Zealand show at Good Luck before moving to Melbourne and a gig at Valve that Dehumanize (my boyfriend Josh) put on consisting of Cult of the Cobra, In Cahoots and I cant remember who else...

There is so much more coming up in the next few weeks, especially with Halloween hiding in the shadows around the corner, but 2009 is going to be incredible.

The Big Day Out first announcement has been made, but I am hanging out for the second one, even though I know I will be going and road tripping. The Teenagers are heading over in January aswell and so are Fleet Foxes. I dont know who Fleet Foxes are, if thats how you spell it, or whatever but am told I have to go because it is for my friend Ben's birthday and it will be a big love fest or something. It sounds good. I am hanging out for Morrissey who is also coming at the beginning of 2009 and it is said he also does play some songs by The Smiths so that should be amazing. And of course I already have my ticket for the final Camp A Low Hum in February.

I am stoked that I can do this all without having to worry about going back to school or not being able to get my hands on forms of intoxication.

Next year I plan to be attending Massey University in Wellington. I will be doing a Bachelor of Design in Photographic Deign. Monash Univeristy in Melbourne went down the drain, but I am still holding on to the idea. Future plans include two years at Massey, one year at Monash in Melbourne and then my final year with Monash University but either finishing off my degree in France, Italy or England.

Well I dont know what else to say really... Stay posted and nosey, I guess.