The number of times that same episode plays out in my head is ridiculous, because it is pretty pessimistic. I have become a total insomniac, so I plan my future in the early hours. Who plans their future? It is basically setting me up for mental breakdown.
I have two ID cards, my drivers license and my college ID. Neither look like me, the photographs are such extremes that I have been asked if I am three different people. It never really bothered me until last night, when I realised that I have planned three different scenarios for my life.
Nicolette/drivers license is going to over dose at twenty seven on November 29th. Because she has been to so many schools and met too many people (apologises) the effect on everyone is going to be daunting and change the face of Wellington, Christchurch and Auckland.
Nicolette/college ID is going to be stuck in the past either dwelling on the one that got away or married to someone at thirty who isn't quite good enough.
Nicolette/now is a complete mystery but has a more positive future. She is taking one day at a time and walking in a path that is somewhat already made. She knows what she want and is driven to get it. Problems include, lack of sleep and an over creative imagination.
Total out of body experience.
Reading these now and still anything is possible. I was thinking today how scary it is going to be when people you went to school with and all your friends start getting married, it is such a commitment. Suppose it is a little like an addiction.
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